In her recent article for Real Simple magazine, entitled "10 questions to ask your mother," Judith Newman writes:
"...as adults, so many of us don't ask enough about our mothers. (Maybe we're scared. More likely we just don't get around to it.) Yet there's no better way to become closer to a person, even if you've known her your entire life...Try them out this Mother's Day. You may even learn something about yourself."
So I did it. For me, it was nice to ask questions that were not my own. That way there was no expectation or baggage attached to them. It was purely to get to know her better.
Her answers were very thoughtful and honest but I'm only going to share a few brief excerpts because some of the answers may not be suitable for public blog consumption.
I've included the complete list of questions below so you can ask your moms too. If you do, be sure to come back here and share your experience or a quote or two in the comments. I'll get us started.
1) What's one thing you would have done differently as a mom?2) Why did you choose to be with my father?3) In what ways, do you think I'm like you? And not like you?4) Which one of us kids did you like the best?5) Is there anything you have always wanted to tell me but you never have?6) Do you think it's easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising our family?7) Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents?8) What's the best thing I can do for you right now?9) Is there anything that you wish had been different between us -- or that you would still like to change?10) When did you realize you were no longer a child?
2 comments:
1) What's the one thing you would have done differently as a mom?
In hind sight I think that I shared too much of the hardship of our life with you as my oldest child...I think I sometimes forgot that you were probably too young to know about some of the more difficult details of life as an adult...I depended on you at times as if you were an adult...
3) In what ways do you think I'm like you? And not like you?
We are both comfortable in our own surroundings, we believe in our husbands, adore our children and share the importance of family. Neither one of us is afraid of hard work nor are we able to let go of something once it captures our attention/imagination. We both enjoy learning new things and creating things for our home/family. We both love to bake and enjoy the comfort of being at home. We both have strong moral convictions (being considerate, respectful, responsible, etc.) that drive us to do what we consider to be “the right thing” and expect others to do the same. When they don’t, we are disappointed and sometimes a bit angry.
However, you, my darling daughter, are much more comfortable in your own skin than I have ever been in mine. You’re far more relaxed than I and much less concerned about what anyone else thinks of you...
6) Do you think it's easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising our family?
I have honestly enjoyed every season of motherhood....Right now I am loving that my “adult children are making adult choices” that are important to them. It is a special joy to be invited into each of your lives as you continue to experience your own journey. The hardest part right now is realizing that I am not always needed and that my children are choosing to do things differently than I did. It’s a sign of strong independence (a quality that we encouraged and tried to help develop in you as a child) but at the same time sends an emotional message that my child does not want to be like me. Ouch! Logically, it’s rewarding to know that my child is well grounded and able to stand up and take responsibility for what they believe to be the best course of action for their own life. I am so thankful that my children all still want me to be a part of their lives and I hope that never changes!
8) What's the best thing I can do for you right now?
Keep communicating with me as you have been. Trust my love for you. Try to make room for my needs as your mother and the grandmother of your children; remember that I have no role models for the kind of mother/grandmother that I deeply desire to be. Help me towards my goal by granting me the grace I’ll need when I fail.
10) When did you realize you were no longer a child?
The day you were born and became my child.
WOW. We have such a great Mom. I'm love to read what she writes... because its always so sincere!
-Alli
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