Prayers for Motherhood

This has been one of those weeks where the reality of motherhood makes my pre-kid romanticized vision laughable. One of those weeks where more than once I've had to say or do things I never imagine.

"Mom, can you check my bum? I have these weird bumps." 

"That's dried poop. Please don't scratch it. Head to the bathroom." 

The battle my family has waged against a nasty stomach bug has left loads of laundry, dirty floors, stinky garbage, and discarded meals, all adding to the craziness of trying to finish up my renewal process for my National Board Teaching certificate during a super intense time at school with more responsibilities than usual.

One of those weeks, where I'm reminded that the sacrifice of motherhood is one opportunity I have to practice the self-denying love of Christ. All I can do is take a deep breath and pray for mercy and strength.

The last year and a half, The Ascetic Lives of Mothers: A prayer book for Orthodox Moms has become one of my go-to prayer books, helping me put my thoughts and feelings into words to pray during times like these. Though it should be entitled "The Ascetic Lives of Women: A prayer book". It is full of encouraging scripture and stories of women of faith with themes that transcend the realm of motherhood such as anxiety, depression, financial strain, enemies, pride, forgiveness, and safety. I've adapted the prayers for situations with my siblings, co-workers, and my husband and many times through them I have found calm and focus as I poured out my heart.

When I woke up this morning, a prayer shared at a women's retreat by a favorite blogger, Molly Sabourin, came to mind and seemed fitting for Mother's Day:

O heavenly Father, make me a better parent. Teach me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say, and to answer all their questions kindly. Keep me from interrupting them or contradicting them. Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me. Forbid that I should ever laugh at their mistakes or resort to shame or ridicule when they displease me. May I never punish them for my own selfish satisfaction or to show my power. Let me not tempt my children to lie or steal. And guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate by all that I say and do that honesty produces happiness. Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me. And when I'm out of sorts, help me, o Lord, to hold my tongue. May I ever be mindful that my children are children and I should not expect from them the judgement of adults. Let me not rob them of the opportunity to wait on themselves and to make decisions. Bless me with the bigness to grant them all their reasonable requests and the courage to deny them privileges I know will do them harm. Make me fair and just and kind and fit, o Lord to be loved and respected and imitated by my children. Amen. 

Be encouraged, new mother, and do not lose heart, seasoned mother, or think that the trials you are facing in your calling will disqualify you from the prize. Pray for patience, mother-to-be, for the Lord knows the desires of your heart. Pray with faith, grandmother; approach the throne room of Christ, dear godmother, for the children you have been entrusted with. Dear Women, the Lord Himself holds your hand and wants you to succeed through His love, by the power of His Cross, through the prayers of His holy Mother and all the saints. *

Lord, have mercy on us all.

*Adapted from The Ascetic Lives of Mothers

The Pancake Problem

Shannon: "Wow, Kaleia! Another pancake? How many is that for you?"

Kaleia: "Three!"

Magnolia: "I've had three, too!"

Shannon: "I only had two! There is one left on the plate. I wonder how many I made this morning..."

Kaleia: "One, two..." Magnolia: "Let me figure it out!"

Shannon: "Let's all figure it out in our head and share the number we come up with."

Kaleia: "Nine!"

Magnolia: "That's what I got too! I knew my three and Kaleia's three made six, then Mama's two would be eight and one more makes nine!"

Shannon: "Kaleia, what was your strategy?"

Kaleia: "I just counted in my head."

Magnolia (giddy with excitement): "You gave us a story problem!"

Shannon: "Yeah, I guess I did."

Magnolia: "Now I have a pancake story problem for you, but its not addition. It's subtraction!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Story problems can be fun!

As a high school math teacher, I was excited to find an ally in my mathematics culture change mission in Maggie's 1st grade teacher. She is supporting Magnolia and her classmates to see the value of both the accuracy of their answers and the ability to communicate their process. At the fall parent information night, her teacher asked parents to think about the ways we approach reading at home; Cozy bedtime stories, cuddled up together, reading both the familiar and the new and exciting. Yet, most of us have less than "cozy" images of mathematics. It is viewed as drudgery or punishment, and only accessible for some people. Let's change that. Kids are natural mathematicians, wondering about patterns, estimating amounts, making comparisons. We only need to wonder with them. The more we do it, the easier it becomes.

If you need some support, there is a cool foundation called Bedtime Math. They have a few books and offer a nightly email to help give parents ideas.

Faith of Children

One of Kaleia's teachers stopped me this week as I walked across campus, with a story to tell. Kaleia's group was the last to rotate through her unit on myths. To mix things up, the teacher pulled out a book that she hadn't yet used this year.

It began, "Once, two gods were talking..." Immediately she remembered why she doesn't use this book with kindergarteners. The group erupted.

"There are gods?!" "There are two gods?!"

Kaleia confidently speaks up, excited to help her friends out, "You don't know about Him?! God has been around for a long time, before even Jesus. He made everything and still makes things and takes care of us!"

There was push back. "That's not true. My mom says we came from fish!" Kaleia patiently handles the arguing, holding to her belief, trying to help her friends understand.

Magnolia is also unashamedly sharing her growing faith. During a recent morning meeting, a Catholic classmate shared that he was celebrating Easter. Maggie chimed in that she also celebrates Easter, but on a different date--a week later this year. The class added it to the class calendar. After school, Magnolia's teacher thanked her for speaking up and sharing her faith tradition.  Her teacher also told Maggie that as a child her family had Orthodox friends and she always loved celebrating Easter twice.

Since then, her teacher emailed to share, "Magnolia has been really excited to share with us all about her traditions and activities this week, so we are thrilled to be hearing all about it. She shared with us her week in review this morning in morning meeting and the kids were really interested in hearing more each day as the week progresses!" This lenten season in particular, Magnolia is hungry to learn more about our faith. She is devoted to keeping the 40-day fast, which is nearly vegan, reading along with each new service, paying attention, and asking great questions. Her friends are getting a play-by-play and as she learns about their faiths she is comparing and contrasting. She has been particularly interested in her Jewish friends' traditions, which dovetails nicely, since Passover is so closely connected to Pascha/Easter.

As Pascha draws near and I reflect on Christ's journey to the cross, I am inspired and convicted by the innocent desire of my children to tell their world what they know, what they've found, what they believe.

To those of you that have already celebrated the Resurrection, I say "Christ is Risen!" To my Orthodox friends, I wish you a blessed Holy Week and Pascha.

For those wanting to learn more about Holy Week in the Orthodox Church, here are a couple of good resources: Holy Week: An Explanation and Pascha is the new Passover. Or, even though you've already celebrated Easter once, why not celebrate it twice? Find an English-speaking Orthodox church in your area and experience for yourself the beauty and power of the Orthodox liturgies this week. If you have any questions before or after, feel free to ask!

Curious why Pascha and Western Easter are different dates this year? Here are a few good links: Date of Pascha, The Calendar of the Orthodox Church, and Lenten and Paschal Cycle 

October 21

October 21st I get a call no one ever wants to receive. My sister tells me my Dad is gone.

Since October 21st, I keep coming back to this picture. It is my last one with him.

July 12th, my dad, responding to my recent comment that my parents always seem so busy when I visit, took my mom and me to one of his favorite places, a waterfall not far from their new dream home. Dad was so at peace there, said it felt heavenly. We talked about what a perfect camping initiation spot it could be for the girls, close enough to the house to come back if needed, but far enough away from it all. We wondered how many other places like it were waiting to be discovered nearby and how we might find them.

But we ran out of time. You left so quickly and so soon.

There are so many places left to explore together.

Recipes to cook.

Books to share.

Discussions to have.

Questions to ask.

Memories to create.


I miss you, Dad.

Brian's Favorite Read-Aloud Kid Books

Maggie loves most of these books but this list isn't for the kids.  It's for me and you, the parent or other adult who reads to children.  A good read-aloud book makes it fun for you, which makes reading special for them.  So I guess the list kinda is for them.  Without further ado:

The Three Little Pigs.  A classic in any version so long as that big bad wolf keeps uttering his menacing refrain: I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!  Will there be enough room?  The ABCs get a little ambitious when they all try to climb the same tree.  A good one for younger kiddos and those learning the alphabet.

 Fox flusters a friend with infuriating tongue floppers.  You can't really go wrong with Dr. Seuss but this and Mr. Brown are definitely top notch.

Oh the wonderful things Mister Brown can do! Read it like an over-enthusiastic J. Peterman (Elaine's boss on Seinfeld).

A simple one that begs you to drum on the pages and sing-song your way through it.

But who is this creature with terrible claws and terrible teeth in his terrible jaws?  He has knobbly knees and turned-out-toes and a poisonous wart at the end of his nose.  Probably the most advanced on this list, Donaldson's modern classic has wonderful rhythm and repetition, a clever ending and an aurally inviting cast.

Wee Wa Wee Wa Rooty Toot Too!  Every page has it's own color that, along with the listed objects, gives the mood for the reader.  Filter it through your inner Miles Davis and you've got a winner.

Boynton is another safe bet for quality read-alouds but the Pookie books, which really hinge on the caring character of Pookie's mama (who, in my imagination, is delightfully ebullient, Southern, and full-figured), are especially enjoyable.

Even without a passable Grover impression, this postmodern wonder, which is about the very act of reading this very book, is a riot.  I dare you not to have fun bringing Grover's over-the-top fear to life.

Hope you enjoyed the list and maybe even found yourself a new read-aloud.  Let me know your favorites in the comments!

The Big Debate

After a month of working, we're starting to get into a groove. Magnolia is sleeping a bit better so I'm at least getting 6 hours of sleep which does a world of good to my outlook and stamina. But while I know that Magnolia is in good hands, developing relationships with her Papa and Nana that most kids never get, I do get sad that I am missing out on precious days that are so fleeting. Once I'm at work it's not too bad -- time passes quickly as I work hard to prevent any take-home work. The hardest part for me is not the being gone, its the leaving.

Each morning as I get ready, my Munchkin crawls around, often finding her way over to me to pull on my pant legs, looking up at me with her big blue eyes, and reaching to be held. How could I not snuggle for just a few more minutes even if it means being a bit late or forgetting to put on all of my makeup? Then when I kiss her goodbye and pass her off, she wails in great distress doing all she can to follow me and for that moment I believe it must be easier to be a stay-at-home mom.

However.

This summer I found being a full-time mom exhausting. There were times when I craved a break or some mental simulation and even looked forward to going back to work -- a little. Then there was a week or so when I was getting ready for the school year while taking care of Magnolia. I don't know how moms do it, balancing a home business with taking care of their kids. I had a hard time, often ending the day frustrated and exhausted, unsure that I managed anything.

It seems like every where I go people are talking about the big debate and I don't feel like there is a clear winner. I am not talking about the Obama/McCain debate; I am talking about which is harder: to be a stay-at-home mom or a mom that leaves home to work. I think I've decided that either way is hard, because being a mom is hard.

Learning to Juggle

When you first have a baby you have to get used to being a mom; caring for their every need and trying to care for your own basic needs. Then eventually you have to integrate being a wife back into the picture followed by being a responsible adult that does things like pay the bills and clean the house. It seems like there is an adjustment period as each new role is added when you feel like you are not succeeding at any of your roles. I'm just learning to juggle and someone keeps throwing new balls into the mix!

About the time of my last blog post I headed back to work bringing about the next adjustment period. One of the balls that got dropped was blogging. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but for me blogging is therapeutic and falls into the category of self-care. Hopefully, the fact that I found a few moments this morning to blog is a sign that I am starting to adjust and not that I am dropping a ball somewhere els--

Gotta go! One of my balls is whining to go out to the bathroom.

Postpartum, shhh...

So, I've been a mom for about a month now and I've been thinking about a couple things:

1) While the pregnant woman is in vogue, the postpartum one is not. Big-bellied celebrities are all over the covers of magazines these days. Not so much with the chubby, frazzle-haired postpartum ones with dark circles under their eyes. This has been the least glamous time of my life and I want to warn others about it. While talking about pregnancy symptoms seems to be expected, postpartum woes seem to be taboo, with moms discussing topics in whispered tones.

2) It is really hard to be completely honest, even when blogging to an unknown audience. It is easier to just give the highlights and gloss over the hard parts of life, unless they are really funny.

Hopefully this isn't too much information. I'm going to share a little about my journey this last month.

**Lack of Sleep -- Brian has been amazing at taking the night shift without complaining. Even so, I think I can count on my fingers the number of sleep cycles longer than 3 hours I have had in the last two months. I kind of expected that though. What I didn't expect was my sleep position continuing to be limited. About November I had to stop sleeping on my back due to my growing belly. I couldn't wait to be able to sleep on my back. Now, I have to sleep on my back because of my c-section incision and I can't wait to be able to sleep on my side.

**Drugs are nice, but complicated. It is so hard to remember when I took what and trying to find times when I am awake and haven't had food for two hours and won't be eating for another hour to take one kind. They should make it easier for new moms. Drugs also mask the fact that I'm recovering and I end up overdoing it by doing things like walking five miles one afternoon.

**What do you wear? Pregnancy clothes are not necessary, but pre-pregnancy clothes either don't really fit, are not practical for the massive amount of time spent nursing, or are packed away with no time to dig them out.

**On the subject of nursing, I've had the gamut. Our first Saturday home, Maggie spit up what looked like blood with her normal milky substance. Worried, I called the pediatrician's nurse and she had me look for cracks in my nipples. Sure enough my sore nipples were bleeding under the intense strength of my little one's sucking power.

**While in labor, I was constantly asked to describe my pain on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 being barely noticable and 10 being the worst pain of your life). I think for the most part my labor hovered around 5 or 6, spiking to an 8 or 9 during the worst parts. One morning, after dealing with engorgment for a few days, I woke up with level 8 pain in my right breast. I had developed Mastitis, a breast infection. But your kid still has to eat. Luckily, usually it felt better after she ate.

**During pregnancy Brian commented that he had never been a parenthical statement more in his life--"Glad to hear you and baby are healthy (Oh, and you too Brian)." Now I know what he meant. Our labor nurse when she was showing us our room commented in regard to setting the room temperature "During labor you are the princess, but when that baby comes out, its all about her." It was foreshadowing of what was to come. I can't count the times I have heard something to the effect of "I can't wait to see Magnolia" or "I miss Maggie so much" quickly followed by "Oh, and you too." I wonder how Brian is feeling now? Parentheses within parantheses?

**A few days in, the emotional roller coaster began. It seemed like any time I was alone, especially when feeding Magnolia at night, I would start bawling. For a while my feelings of failure for needing to have a c-section and not being able to experience the "pushing" stage of labor were a recurring theme. I definitely had moments of feeling inadequacy. One time I cried because everyone else had sung to Maggie and I hadn't. What kind of mother was I?!? The craziest though (and, people, I'm sorry to say this happened more than once) I realized that if Brian and I live a full life to somewhere in our 80's, Magnolia will be in her 50's and maybe becoming a grandparent, and we will potentially miss out on 20+ years of her life. I actually was grieving missing the end of my child's life during her first month. Then of course I had feelings that I might be going crazy, etc. Needless to say, my doctor went through all of the questions to determine if I had postpartum depression and decided that no I just had the blues. He suggested I take vitamin D and try to curb any negative thoughts.

**Brian has been incredibly patient and supportive in the midst of my neurosis. Not all has been emotional. One night after waking up for the third time to feed, our sheets, which were slightly rumpled and askew, were driving me crazy. I made Brian get up and help me remake our bed. He patiently did it. I felt super bad in the morning.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Postpartum has been really hard in more ways than just the expected sleep deprivation, but, I can't complain too much. It's all been worth it. Last night, we had fortune cookies. Mine said, "You will be rewarded for your hard work this past month." Really, I already have...

Boycott Braxton

If one were to catalogue all the descriptors that apply to me, "Feminist" would not be very high on the list. Don't get me wrong, feminism has accomplished some amazing and commendable feats; I just wouldn't count myself among its most active and ardent supporters.

So, I was surprised a while back at how perturbed I was when I learned about "Braxton Hicks Contractions." And since I just mentioned these physiological phenomena in my last post I thought I'd share a quote that nicely sums up my surprising feminist sentiments:

They are called Braxton Hicks because they were "discovered" by a physician named, yes, Braxton Hicks. (What this actually means is that in the nineteenth century a man finally thought to attach his name to something that approximately 50 percent of the human race had been experiencing since the beginning of time...)

-Martha Beck, Expecting Adam

Does this bug anyone else? Why the heck should this exclusively female experience be named after some old bald dude (who, I will admit, does have AWESOME sideburns!)?

Showers!

Well, I have to say, this baby of ours sure is spoiled! So many people have blessed us with homemade gifts and things from our registry. I think she has more clothes than Brian and I put together! So far we have had showers put on by family, coworkers, and friends.

When Brian and I were driving the other day, we were talking about just how lucky were are and he came up with a great analogy. It feels like we have had the down payment paid for on this baby. Yes, there will be lots of expenses to come as we raise her, but we have been given such a great start!

I think even more than the monetary support, it has been great to have everyone so excited. It has made us feel very loved! I am excited that we get to bring our daughter into such a great community. So I am sending out a big thank you to all of you!

Why Blog?

All this year, I have made it a habit of regularly checking friends' blogs as a brain break. Brian and I have discussed the blogging phenomenon and its implications on community several times. Blogs allow us to check up on each other at our leisure leaving us feeling more connected and a false sense of community without the risks of actually building relationships. In spite of this I am addicted.

Recently I started thinking about why I like blogs. I think it comes down to my love of story. When I was an RA at SPU an important ritual I arranged was a time called Life Stories. Each girl had the opportunity to bring pictures and mementos to share with others on our floor what she felt was important from her life. I loved these times. When friends or family get together today I love hearing stories about the odd things that happen to people and I am really excited I have something to share. Sometimes this is a problem because I often take the sharing opportunities from Brian, which is a bummer because he is such a good story teller.

During my reflection I came to the realization that although blogs can give us a false sense of community, they also provide a venue for sharing stories that would otherwise be forgotten in the fast paced life we live in. Many people I care about are spread all over the world and, when I get together with them now and then, the question always comes to mind "Where do we start?" So I hope our Blog provides more starting places for real community. So please as you visit our blog and hopefully read about our feats, fiascos, and musings use it as a conversation started with us, in person, through email, or just leave a comment!

We hope you enjoy!