Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Shannon's Dream

This is not my dream. It's Shannon's and she's too embarassed to share it, but this story is too important to let my wife's feelings stop me from sharing it with the world.


Shannon is in a bike race in Bellingham. And like any sensible bike-racer she has a snack with her. Well, more than a snack, really. It's Salad. In a very large metal bowl. She has it wedged between her stomach and the handle bars so she can fork it to her mouth with one hand and still be able to steer. (Oh, and just in case you're wondering, it's the kind with cabbage and Ramen noodles in it)

A while after eating a large quantity of this cabbagy goodness, Shannon's body tells her it is has absorbed all the vital performance enhancing nutrients from this coleslaw and it is ready to expel some of it.

"But I'm in a race and I have salad on my lap," Shannon thinks. "I can't possibly stop.... I'll just go on my bike... But I can't go in public! Aw c'mon, it can't be that bad; Trudy and Otis do it all the time..."

So she does. She's still not sure how it got through her pants, but it did. There it is trailing into the distance, several little dollops of Shannon poop.

When Shannon gets to the finish line she learns that one of her co-workers--one who may or may not have spoken ill of her recently--died. She had a tragic bike accident. The cause: slippage on human feces.


Interpretations are more than welcome in the comments.


Jen said...


I'm having too much fun laughing to attempt any sort of interpretation.

Thanks for sharing on Shannon's behalf. I love the image of her eating salad while riding a bike.

The Horne's said...

SHE DIED CAUSE SHE SLIPPED ON SHANNON'S POOP!?!?!?!??! That's awesome!!!! Ha!

Jodi said...


No way!!! I can't think of any interpretations off the top of my head, but this is particularly amusing to me because I totally have a recurring dream that I'm pooping in public. I've had it for years. You know, like, toilet somewhere in an open room and people are just kind of hanging out.

It makes me feel so happy that Shannon's poop was able to pervade the laws of bike shorts. Oh man.

emily said...

bizarrely random, i must say. ideas here.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that was an interesting thing to share. Being parents has really loosened you two up.

I'm not sure what to say either because I've been on long bike rides where this has been a real issue. Where is the next bathroom and how fast can I get there? It's equally uncomfortable when the urge occurs while running. So far I have not had to duck into the bushes but that would be my solution over just letting go while continuing to move.

I won't even attempt to interpret the dream but if I ever find myself in another event with Shannon I'll be sure to make sure she doesn't eat salad prior to the race.